11o1

It seems like one bit of stress keeps coming as soon as I get rid of the last one. Right now the current stress is waiting for board approval for Plosk and my apartment. We've put literally hours and hours of work into this and all could be denied by 3 people we met the other night. I don't think that will happen. We were charming and happy and it turned into an hour and a half conversation - however I never like to think something has happened until it has been told to me. I have all these images of what I want the apartment to look like, and how my life is going to be living in an apartment I own with my boyfriend and partner. How we'll go shopping for antiques and slowly make the apartment our own. My imagination has taken the fantasy so far that it is literally painful waiting for approval, and knowing that the end of a long process is only a few days away.

In any case, anticipation isn't a bad thing. I'm not controlling it as well as I once did, and I'm not quite sure why. The other night I had a burst of emotion while with Plosk, and was so rattled, he literally said, "Emma, what's wrong: I'm scared." Sadly I couldn't tell him exactly what's wrong. I'm the happiest I've ever been in a relationship. A few months ago, I made the decision to start my first book (although it has been on hold for a few weeks while my mind has been otherwise occupied). I'm spending more time with friends and have so many exciting summer plans. Yet, I still had this emotional uproar and I have no idea where it came from. I can only guess it has to do with the apartment, and wanting it so badly. I used to be so proficient at handling stress, and suddenly I'm unable. I find this more confusing than the actual feelings.

In any case, possibly as soon as tomorrow, the answer to my questions shall be answered, and hopefully I'll be packing and moving away from 21 to start my own life and future with the person I love. Writing and reading on our balcony, and watching bat gal as we unpack. This is my fantasy. Oh, and of course being a famous author, but that dream is as old as me. The rest are all new.