Less than Delightful

I haven't been the most fun to be around lately. I'm in my own head. I'm having trouble listening and focusing. I have a few things that I'm excited about however: my new ipod shuffle which allowed me to spend a great deal of time at the gym today, a new book on animal rights with essays from Plato to Singer, and possibly a new antique victrola. My coworker also bought Plosk and I a beautiful wedding gift. Candle sticks from Anthropologie which is possibly Plosk and my favorite store for decoration. I also wrote something new that I'm pretty happy with and will send out to lit mags in the next few weeks after a bit more work.

So, why haven't I been much fun? I'm not exactly sure. But the amount of things running through my head at any given moment is frustrating. A great deal of it lives in fantasy and hopes. The desire to be published. I have never sent anything out probably out of fear, but I'm going to change that. I have heard the stories of rejection and I'm comfortable with that. Right now, inertia is more frightening than rejection. This feeling probably has made me more active at the gym. I've been consistent for a long time, but now I'm pushing myself with cardio which I've never really done. Being so thin, I've never needed to do cardio. But it's a matter of strengthening my heart, not losing weight.

I told Plosk that my less than gracious demeanor could have to do with the pressure of being married. My personal successes and failures effect someone else now. I adore this, but it's also quite frightening. I want to be a success for the both of us, and that pressure has never extended to anyone else before. All things new have their worries to work out.