Moments

If "A" happens, then I'll be happy. "A" takes place and we move onto "B." All happiness then depends on the occurance of B, then C, then D, and so on. Once this is over I can relax. Once I get into grad school...Once I'm published...Once I get a job I like...Once I own a house...Once I have some extra money...

I live in these constant hopes for the future, for a moment better than the one I'm experiencing. Constant waiting for the life you imagine to take place only rarely allowing yourself to focus on the moments when they arrive. We're forward thinkers, people who live in a constant push to the future, but keep pushing too far and you end up dead without ever having had a moment to indulge. A moment I did actively take part in was my wedding weekend. I fully lived in that weekend. And right now, I'm happy I got into Grad school. I have started a huge new challenge...so why am I feeling low energy? Because one success is never enough. Now, I have new things ahead. Sending my poetry out, working on my conference paper, and novel this summer. One thing I am happy is that my next few years now have an outline. I will be in school and school is a solid base. There is structure and whatever job I do will not be my life, it will just be my means for money while I work on what I actually care about. I would love a job that meant something to me, but for now, I'll cling to the moment that has occured, and focus on school. I'll indulge in this success. Something I have in the past, not been good at.