No thank you- I'm not Hungry

Fussy. Picky. An inconvenience. It's difficult when you feel as if your beliefs are putting someone else out. To not be able to participate because the "normal" actions of others make you feel alienated and ethically alone. Something as simple as eating becomes a time to dread because you know that your different beliefs will make an issue for others. I haven't eaten meat since I was 11. A vegetarian for 12 years and over half my life. A family of meat eaters although surrounded by friends who either are like me or sympathize. However entering a new family environment always brings about new questions and new ways of having to explain your way of life. I used to enjoy telling others the reasons I choose to live my life differently than they do. I now dread the questions.

The lake house owned by Gary's aunt is wonderful. In fact, I'm sitting on the dock now writing this journal. The lake is less than 5 feet from me, the sun is out, and there is a cool breeze. Next to my feet, there is a fishing rod. Over on the porch, everyone is eating chicken. I was offered the veggies that were cooked on the grill. And when I replied "I know it make seem fussy, but I don't eat food cooked on the same grill as meat," Gary's mom said in response, "Oh Jeez', we put it in foil girl!" How was I to know they put it in foil. Is that standard for cooking? I politely smiled and after a moment excused myself. It's not worth explaining yourself when people will only think of you as radical for attempting to keep to yourself and not make a fuss. Plosk understands most of the way I think about eating. He had already known I probably wouldn't eat something cooked with the meat.

Plosk didn't understand why I didn't want to be outside while people were fishing. He didn't get that keeping my mouth shut when something I believe to be cruel is taking place isn't easy for me. In no way do I want to shut up. But I know that me making a fuss will turn no ones head and I will only be seen as a fanatical brat who is judging the world around her. I am silent. If someone asks, I will share my knowledge, my ethical code. But that has become much more tired in the last year. So much judgment towards me has made me grow weary, and people don't realize that I hold my judgment so they should really hold theirs. But no, I try to keep my face static, and my emotions locked. I'm really tired of doing it. Sadly, to live in this society one must deal with certain "Evils" and this is mine.

The topic of furniture came up earlier. Cheryl expressed her love of the leather couches we were sitting on and mentioned that when Plosk and I get the money, that we should really think about investing in one. My response, "I wouldn't buy leather." "Oh, right, I forgot." Plosk then said, "Well that's going to be a problem because I'm going to want one." My response, "Well my money wouldn't go towards it." "That's fine."

Sadly, it's not fine and this will be a topic of conversation. I don't want a leather couch in my living space. I will sit on them just like I'll sit in a car with a leather interior, but I'm conscious of it. Doesn't mean I don't picture the cows it came from. I don't want corpses in my house. Having a couch to me isn't worth the life of something else. These are issues I'll have to deal with. These are always issues have to be dealt with. As Jean would say, "Always stand up to be counted. Even if it's not popular." Well, that's what's to be done, but in no way do I look forward to any of it.

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A day goes by: Since writing this journal I have talked to Plosk about how I was feeling. He said he knew since it was being made a big deal of, that I was getting tired of it. It's similar to his choice not to drink, and how others need to make a big deal of it because they don't understand. He's good like that. Then we talked about the couch situation. He said, I think you're missing the fact that fake leather can be used. It's just a longer lasting couch. That is a valid point. I still think they look ugly, but I get what he's saying.

In any case, that was my vegetarian rant. Oddly enough, I didn't mention any of my reasons for my choices. I simply talked about reactions to my choices. I'm always amazed at how much inaction makes a fuss.