Friendships vs. Relationships

How does it happen? How do we move from friendships holding the number one spot in our lives to replacing nearly them all with one relationship? Most of us do it. As singles our friends hold the most important place in our lives, but once a significant other is found, those friendships just don't feel as exciting, as rewarding as they once did. Instead we gain a new focal point. Dinners, movies, down time is spent with one person instead of the array of friends we once knew. In short, when in a relationship many people abandon their friends.

Have I done it? I'm sure. When I first met Plosk I remember hanging out with a friend in Bronxville waiting to leave her place so I could go and be with him. I struggled through a movie barely paying attention because my mind wasn't there. I wasn't focused. Now it's different. Plosk and I are comfortable. We've settled into our selves and appreciate time spent with others. That's the nature of an established relationship. It isn't that it's no longer exciting, but there isn't the rush to get to know someone that their once was.

Thinking back, my good friend Mer and I started to lose touch when she and I met our significant others at about the same time. We suddenly stopped speaking the same language. Time that would have been spent together was forgotten as we spent more time with our interests. Talk of raising children together (because we wouldn't find anyone worth being with forever) went to the wayside and we drifted. It happened with Fong too. Relationships became the priority and our friendship was lost in the razzle dazzle.

I will state that as we get older it just gets worse. People become consumed and I find myself missing friends I once had. Perhaps in time things will right themselves, but really nothing can compare to a friendship between two singles. There is a common thread, a loneliness that needs to be filled and friendships clouds that desire for a partner. But sadly, many friendships are lost while we are getting to know other people, get into heavier relationships. I know I've done it. And I know I've resented those that have left me behind.

I also have friends that would never dream of losing friendships- friends that integrate their new person into their regular lives and friendships. Those people are rare but do exist. And I think that kind of balance is something to strive for.