This time last year, I had my final biopsy, and in 7 days from now I would have been told that I had cancer of the thyroid. In exactly 1 month from now, will be a year since my surgery. It's September and school has started again for those still in school. For me, time moves into fall without much transition. I need to get myself into the academic world. I need a job that recognizes the seasons. A job that shifts with nature.

Volleyball has started. I miss playing so much. But I'm paid to be around it 5 days a week, and get my hands on a ball. The girls have proven to be amazing already. In the three years I've watched and participated with the team, I haven't seen such a talented (and tall) group. Such positive attitudes. Hard workers. It's going to be an amazing season. I work better when involved on an athletic team. I push myself more. The body becomes inactive while working- sitting, typing. The blood slows. These last few nights, I've been hyper and excited. Our first game is next Thursday. We shall see.

Next Wednesday I head back to Sloan to meet with Dr. Shaha. An amazing surgeon. However my scar hasn't faded as much as I would have liked, but that takes time. I barely notice it now, but when I look at it, I do wish is didn't exist. Before my appointment with Shaha, I have an appointment to see if I'm eligible to participate in an acupuncture study. This is for Sloan patients who have had head and neck surgery who have pain, and sore muscles, to see if accupuncture could help ease that pain. I would gladly go in once a week to both improve my back and find out what it's all about. I've heard wonderful things about these needles and I'm quite curious.

I still dislike going to Sloan and this will be my first visit ever by myself. Plosk came with me last time since my Mum couldn't go. But now no one is able to come so I have to deal with the anxiety being there provides by myself. Cancer is such a loaded word, it's difficult to register that it was in my body. It's more of an idea than a disease.

I've been reading on the history of disease and dying. The ways in which our attitudes on them change with society. The current state we're in (in the age of medicine) is very unique. Instead of accepting death as a fact of life, we see death as the failure of medicine. An eldery person, a child, anyone. They don't die because their body's have failed. Instead they die because the doctors weren't able to help them.

I was able to be helped. Many cancer patients are survivors. Some died due to the failure or science. Or did they die because of a disease. Accepting mortality or raging against. Perhaps a middle ground is called for.