Well, my stomach feels like it's grinding and turning slivers of metal and wood. My head feels like it may collapse. And my limbs don't want to move at all. I'm supposed to finish work, go to the gym, go to the hospital for bloodwork, go to the new MOMA and then possibly meet up with friends in the city. Something by far is wrong when all of these things sound completely impossible. The only 'have to do' is get my blood work done. I have to find out if my medicine is correct so cancer cells don't find their way back into my throat.

By itself, the hospital is enough to give me stomach pains, but in combination with other problems happening in your life, fun is not a part of the plan. Something broke. Something large broke last night. I couldn't even lift my hands. It's something that needs to be dealt with, only I have no idea how to even begin to think about it. Patterns are astounding. The ways in which human beings create their own doom over and over again. I behave badly at times. I feel it, and continue to do it anyway. This is the first time I've been with a person strong enough in themselves to point it out to me. The ways in which I fail. The ways in which you're not as good as you hope to be. And it's a humiliating feeling. Well, this is vague.

To end with something not so horrible, a wonderful conversation took place not too long ago. Places to live. Plosk and I are on the same page. We want to work in acadamia. We want to travel and experience different parts of the world. We are moving through life together, and the joint goals that go hand in hand only make the path more appealing. It's amazing when you don't have to do things alone. Even when massive road blocks find themselves in your way.