Anxiety Attack

Grad School. Critique # 1.

This past week, I had my first critique. In the past I have had the occasional butterflies due to my work being read by my peers but nothing too stressful. This changed last week. I had a full anxiety attack, terrified what the seven other students in my class would say about the first 80 pages of my novel. I'm one of two first years. I came into the class with a novel in process. The majority of students are second years that are working on their thesis. This will be my thesis. Never before have I handed in such an unfinished vulnerable work. It's absolutely terrifying. Not only because it's unfinished but because the work that goes into creating a novel is so much more extensive than that of a traditional short story. It's such a different animal.

Plosk became nervous the night before because of my own nerves. But the next morning I went to class, calmed myself down and had one of the best critiques I could have hoped for. People were positive, impressed, and had great suggestions on what had as of now not been developed enough. Mostly it was fascinating to here eight intelligent people discuss something so personal and so much mine for two hours. The night before class I felt insecure as a writer, as an artist, and in basically every way possible. Perhaps that is just a normal reaction to such a vulnerable position. But my attack turned out to be for nothing. Grad school was an excellent decision. I adore my novel writing class. Most students don't take a novel writing workshop until their second semester or second year. It's like being thrown in the deep end as all the other writers have workshopped parts of their novels in other classes. This was my first. The first time anyone has read more than twenty pages. Terrifying and brilliant.