How many?

On the bus ride home yesterday from Brooklyn with the vball team, an interesting conversation came up. Children. The head coach and one of the players both said they would like 3-7 children. An odd number. I said, one child, then perhaps we'll see, but in my mind one child seems quite fine. I was shocked by the desire for what to me seems like an army of offspring.

Then it became a question of priorities and where family sat in the ultimate scheme of a life. K said that the best gift her parents have given her are her brothers. And that a future isn't worth having if there isn't a family involved. I agree, family is important but family isn't only blood. And I don't need a gaggle of children in order to have a close family. I'm very close with my parents, and then close with a few of my extended family and happy to know many more. But my day to day life doesn't involve my whole family, pretty much just my parents and Plosk. That's a small number of people and that's quite fine with me. My brother and I are off and on, off and on so he isn't as much a regular, but we still chat or keep up to date based on what our parents tell us. I said, I don't feel the need for a lot of kids. In fact, I think that would hurt my personal goals. One of the girls chimed in and said it was the quality vs quantity approach. And I said yes, exactly right.

Through this conversation I also realized that many people's ultimate goals in life are to have a family. Mine is to be a published writer, travel, learn, and if a family happens, that's wonderful too. I love marriage and didn't expect that. Perhaps a child will be similar. But it is not my goal. My goals are personal and frankly only involve myself. A family is a group goal/activity. So to me it is in a separate category. Plosk believes in my personal goals and has internalized them as I have with his, but they still only belong to us. Eh, now it just feels like I'm going on about it but what I can't quite wrap my whole head around is 'what's the point of a large family?' To me, the larger the family, the more the obligation, the less time for personal triumphs. Perhaps that's selfish. And I do think having a child is an important experience, and an amazing one, but more than one or two just seems excessive. After that number is reached I have to ask, is the point of living simply to procreate or is the point of living to create? Some would argue it's a mixture. But I have to say, I was baffled that anyone would want to spend 4 years of their life pregnant. No thanks.