Count Down

Count down to what?

Turning 25 on December 22nd
Leaving for England on December 23th
Returning to see the kittens on December 30th
New Years party at 1101 on well December 31st
Weekend at the Red Lion for our 1 year anniversary from January 6th-8th

There are many things to look forward to in the coming month. Turning 25, xmas in England, 2 nights in a nice hotel in London, New Years, a few days off from work and our one year wedding anniversary to be celebrated at the place we got married. The only part of this month I'm not looking forward to is leaving my little girls although I do have a friend staying here to take care of them.

The semester is over and it's onto the end of year festivities. The first one of course is turning 25. Six months ago, I didn't want to turn 25. It seemed like a milestone I wasn't ready for. I didn't want to be in my exact mid 20's. Silly right? Every person I've told that to over 30 simply makes fun of me, but to someone in their early 20's, 25 sounds like a whole new world. You no longer have the 'i just graduated' excuse. But for me, I realized that I'm proud of my accomplishments thus far. I'm ready to turn the age in which I'm treated as more of an adult. I've finished a year of grad school. I'm half way done with my first draft of my novel. I love my job and have done more there in 8 months than I've done in any other venture I've ever taken on. Now this coming year is fast approaching. My goal is to finish my first draft, be half way done with grad school, and travel some place new and exciting, and really expand the website I've created for work. Another goal that I'd love is to see Plosk in a main stage production at SLC. There is one show in particular that he did a reading for that I think he would be incredibly good at. In fact, he already was incredibly good at it.

I feel good with what has come so far. I feel accomplished and as if the person I'm becoming is the person I had always hoped to be- corny as that may sound. I feel as if I'm ripening. And 25 is just another year in which my life will take shape. More opportunities are ahead. I don't know if I've ever felt that kind of optimism before. But I think it comes with being productive. I see how much I've done in just these past 8 months and it's more than I've ever done in anything. I've never applied myself like I am now. So, I look at this next year with anticipation knowing for the first time what I'm actually capable of.

Starved

The last week I've been out of it. I haven't been productive. I haven't been reading or writing. I've been procrastinating and acting in a way I haven't all semester. Tomorrow I'm being workshopped so I didn't have a lot to do this week but I've successfully avoided doing more than the bare minimum. So, why is this the case? That is the question I was just asked by Plosk. Why am I acting strange, out of it, childish and random. Is it that I don't know what to do with myself? That feels like the case.

I feel like I need a break. I need a vacation, a holiday, an extended amount of time in which I'm having fun. Last night was a nice few hours of fun. Molly and I had lunch here, then went to slave for tea and snacks then spent about 30 minutes in the car continuing to chat. I haven't had that good a convesation in quite some time. Molly and I used to as I said to her and she agreed "walk on egg shells" around each other. There were always topics we never quite talked about. What kind? Well, the big ones like politics, religion, the war going on, and a variety of other things. She and I differ in more than a few ways but last night wasn't about arguing over our differences, it was about finding similarities even within our different philosophies. We reached middle grounds on almost everything. Most of the people I surround myself believe similarly to me. So when a belief is different I enjoy talking about it because interesting conversation usually comes up. That was the case, and boy oh boy was it satisfying. Molly is the kind of friend who has always been there but we've always been tentative with each other. Last night I think was one of the first nights we were really respectfully honest and not just chatting about relationships or family. We extended our convo into the world around us and how we see it, and although we definitely have our differences, there aren't as many as we both imagined.

That's off topic from my frustration since it was obviously the opposite, but it was a breath of fresh air in an otherwise tense feeling week. What am I tense about? I'm really not sure, but I know I'm looking forward to England and getting away from everything for a little while. Everything meaning school and work actually. My mind is dying for a rest and I'm eager to give it one.