A party?

Last night, I put together my first solo party in about, well 15 years. It started off as just a female thing- a pseudo bridal showerish kinda shindig. It was going to be all women, until I opened it up a tiny bit and invited Marko. Then I invited my brother, and soon after that, Plosk cancelled his appointment in Ct and joined us for the latter part of the festivities.

I was able to make quesadillas and fondue with our two new appliances. Both worked wonderfully. The food was eaten, and the wine was poured down gullets. There was champagne, wine, sparkling non-alcoholic cider, and of course, juices and milk. I was amazed and happy with how easy my friends, many of whom had never met, got along. Alice and Lori were quite a pair. Rita met a ton of people she had only heard about. Marko and Gary finally met, after, well, years of hearing about each other. And I saw Jess who I hadn't seen in a year and a half. Craziness.

I have to say, preparing food is stressful for a bunch of people. But lots of people helped in the kitchen and Plosk cleaned up while I had the chance to sit down and chat. That was a very welcomed surprise.

I was very impressed with my friends, many of which had never met and how easily they chatted through the night. So, mixing my worlds isn't as frightening as I thought.

Kitty, Monster, Bug, Mutton

This past weekend was incredibly difficult. Granted, I did many nice things, like stay at the red lion, see King Kong, and go to a Holiday party(albeit a bit sick). But I couldn't focus and enjoy a great deal of it. A few things are making me unable to focus. Being busy has caught up with me yet again. But that is to be expected.

The big thing that happened was my cat. Last week, she had gone missing for 3 days, and in the winter she never strays for more than 20 minutes. Her little ears get cold. So the fact that she was gone for so long made my entire family very upset. I didn't know if she had been taken, or was attacked, or was hurt. I was completely in the dark. And then while on my way to MA my dad called me to tell me that my brother had found my cat. She had been dead for a few days and her body was about 20 feet into the woods behind the house. My body immediately reacted and I kept wanting to kiss her little head, or throw things so she stared at them, or picked her up like an infant while she stares around. I have never cared about an animal as much as I have about her. And at only about 10 years old, she is gone. There were no marks on her body, and no obvious reason she died. She simply laid down in the snow and never got up.

Now my parents house will be a very quiet place. Without her, it won't feel like as much of a home. It's amazing what a non human presense does. It immediately makes the atomsphere warmer and much more fun. Company when no one is home. And the perfect partner for taking naps or playing with ribbon. Or simply pushing her over onto her back like the big mush she could be. She will be very missed. Blink. Blink.

In the Next 30 days

I can't even begin to fathom how busy this next month will be. My birthday, christmas, fondue party, King Kong, meeting with the Justice of the Peace, meeting with the photographer, picking up our marriage license, writing the ceremony, New Years, finding shoes, a ski suit, and oh yes, getting married to Plosker. It seems almost impossible for so much to take place in such a short period of time, but happily that is the case.

Tonight, Plosk has his last performance, so I have the evening to myself to write, and really try and consider what needs to be said at a Ceremony. Here are some things that will not be said: "We are gathered here today..." No boring standard greetings, no amicable safe language. This ceremony will not define the generic meaning of marriage. This will be personal and honest, and will not talk about love as some cliche. At least, that is the goal. I have about half of it written, and I'm working on the rest. We have talked for months about the philosophies that should be included. This is my first 'speech' so I'm hoping to be as clear as possible. No flowery language and metaphor that make up my fiction, but instead, I'm trying to fulfill what I believe to be the gift of a good speech writer- clarity, inspiration, and confidence in your beliefs.

I made progress yesterday afternoon, so we'll see what comes out of my brain tonight. Hopefully something inspired.

January 7th, 2006

This story actually starts 3 years ago, or perhaps it started nearly 24 years ago, but for now, I shall start it in September, when the events began to take place at rapid speeds.

The Prediction
Sitting on our bed, we were talking and had been for probably about an hour. Marriage had been discussed before. Since we committed to each other as a couple last year, the word had been spoken many times as an event for the future. We bought property together. We spoke about our futures, what we want out of life, our desires. But all of these things were somewhere in a future that wasn't real yet. Dreams of a later life. I turned my head to him, and said bluntly- perhaps more honestly than the topic had been spoken about before, "I picture you as being my husband." He smiled, his face carved with feeling and said, I have something I wrote on my computer that I would like to show you. His computer was at the apple store so I had to wait a week before I was able to see it. But here is simply what it said (This is dated November 17th, 5 days after we became a solid couple):


I think I found "her". I actually think I found... the "one". Since I know who I'm talking about I'm going to leave it at that. Voila. Cha-ching.

I read this and was stunned. He saw our future together before I did. He imagined me as his partner for life. In fact, I soon learned that he had planned on proposing over the summer! As early as April or May he had confided in his mother his desire to marry me. I responded by telling him I was happy he allowed me to arrive at my comfort with the subject in my own time. I told him, "If you had asked me this summer, I probably would have vomited" (refer to the blog vomit written on Sept 22nd). I simply hadn't been ready mentally. The committment was something I had already given to him, but my problems with an institution and all the things it meant was still something I hadn't defined for myself. I didn't know what the idea of marriage meant to me. It was a word, an institution. I had no personal relationship with the "idea" of marriage.

A Proposal?
After reading his journal, I took a few days to adjust, knowing that we both wanted to marry each other. Then at my parents house, while sitting on their couch, I started cracking up laughing. He asked me over and over again what was so funny. I had just decided to tell him I think we should do this soon, that we should elope or have a small ceremony and really take charge of this excitement. He agreed and within minutes we were looking up costs for flights to France, and how much it would be to take our parents with us. France wasn't an option, but we did find a lovely bed and breakfast in Stockbridge Ma where we decided we would like to have the ceremony.

Treasure Hunting
That is when the treasure hunt started. We needed a few basic things. A dress, a suit, and two rings. We went to Woodbury commons to search for our most prominently displayed items. Our clothing. We both wanted to look amazing although not as the traditional bride and groom. I wanted something worthy of the red carpet(although not a wedding dress- no vera wang for me), and he wanted a suit that was stylish and nice(not a tux). We found my dress in a little store called Dolce and Gabbana. I tried it on, and it was amazing. They had one of these dresses and it was exactly my size. I stared at it for a good long while. Plosk loved it. I knew it was going to be 'the' dress. And then I asked the price. Oh my. Plosk and I left the store saddened and upset that an outlet would still have a dress for that much money. Now, this dress was originally 12,500 dollars. It had gone down a bunch, but still. It was too much money to justify spending on a dress. We kept shopping and Plosk tried on many suits. And one was perfect. A Burberry's pin striped suit looked wonderful on him. And so we left, suit in hand, and me still thinking about that dress.

The Lost Ring
I won't go into the saga of the lost ring because this blog is already going to be really long. But lets just say a mean lady came between me and a pink sapphire that was going to be mine. Aka: she already had the money. But there I remained, ringless, and with a heart broken Plosk because he couldn't get this symbol for me.

The Tiffany's of Japan
The next shopping excursion was to nyc down in and the west village to look for a dress and rings. I tried on one dress that was way too sexy for the event, and Plosk found a bunch of 'ok' rings. I didn't find anything. We were on our way back to the car, when we saw one more jewelery store. Japanese designer. Beautiful men's platinum bands, and I was handing over half the money to the woman with a thoroughly excited boy standingn next to me. He couldn't wait to get his ring. This from someone who didn't even know if they wanted a ring. Now- he has his suit and ring, and I have nothing. Right then, he was the only person getting married. Unless I went in jeans or something.


Dolce and Gabbana
The next morning Plosk convinced me to call Dolce and ask them if the dress had gone on sale again perhaps. Long shot, but why not. Well, it had. The woman remembered me and she gave me an even bigger discount, so now, I have the dress of my dreams that I had been thinking about. 75% done with our shopping. Blissful.

1920's Filligree
In the city when we had gone shopping I had met a woman who told me about an antique show at Chelsea piers. They had jewelery. And my desire from the beginning was to have an antique ring. We looked all around, and found a platinum and diamond filigree ring from the 1920's. Perfect. Now there were many rings that fit that description at the show, but this ring gave me the same desire and feeling that Plosk had when he found his ring. The man was exceptionally nice, and we left with my ring in my purse. Although for the next few days I acted like a big girl and took it out of the box to look at it about 100 times. Big sigh. After all the stresses, we found all the items we had been looking for.

Ok, More to be posted later. We just told Alice- like right this last moment, and she's absolutely thrilled. Like, squeeling thrilled. Although she claims not like "Deliverance."

There is more to tell though. And it will be told soon.

One Person Left

Everyone is now in the loop. That is everyone I knew I didn't want to hear through the grape vine. Everyone- except the lovely and wonderful Alice. Yes Alice, there is something I need to tell you. And I need to see you to do it. This Friday, oh yes, this friday, I get to reveal some important information. I can't wait.