Saturday, February 25, 2006


It has been a week since we had our first visit to CT since the wedding. We had a conversation that needed to be had. We still have some more talking ahead of us but we got the most important one out of the way. I was told some things that I really needed to hear in order to feel accepted into Plosk's family. In short- our short guest list and surprise news made some people so upset that they couldn't function. In any case, we were able to confront what we needed to.

Well, totally not in a blog writing mood, I just wanted to say that since it's been a while since I mentioned it.

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Impending Doom or Reconciliation?

Well, tonight we are going to Ct for the first time in - well for me, it has been nearly two months. And it has definitely been since before we were married. I have high hopes for this weekend. We have an album to show, and conversations that need to be had. They will be difficult and I'm still not sure of my role.

Plosk is quickly learning his place within my family. My parents have welcomed him in a bigger way than I thought possible. They ask us out to dinner- we laugh and enjoy each other's company. They have warmed up to him in every way. They were a huge help with the wedding, and have continued to show their affection for us by being supportive at all times. We had thought my family would be the difficult ticket to sell when revealing our upcoming nuptials. After all, I had spent much more time in CT with his family one on one than he had with my family. But it turned out to be the opposite. My family accepted our decisions, what we wanted and did their best to work within the guidelines we had set for the day we desired. I don't want to clump people together. Some of Plosk's family was very supportive. And others had a hard time dealing with what we wanted verses what they thought our wedding should be. Every family works differently. It's a matter of adjusting to a new system I am now a part of.

K, my old coach, now co-worker, is at her brother's wedding this weekend. It is a monstrous wedding where everyone was invited. There is a certain charm to this type of event. Huge parties are fun especially with close families, but I find that people tend to stay in their cliques and not move around. At our wedding, I'm confident that everyone spoke to everyone. I know I did. And that was the point.

The miscommunication that has taken place about our wedding has been avoided. The hurt has been shoved to the side. I know Plosk was hurt, and because of that I felt a great deal of anger. I also know that I was hurt and didn't feel accepted by the family because of all the drama. This has put a damper on our first month of marriage. This weekend is the weekend to put an end to it. It has occupied too many conversations, too much brain power and has left a bitter cold feel in the warm winter air. This is going to be a big weekend, and we'll see how it turns out.

On the positive side, I'm excited to see some friends and family we haven't seen since the wedding. Brian and Jack especially. I think we're going to head out for some Japanese food Sunday night in New Haven. One of the frustrating things about Ct feeling awkward lately has been that we haven't seen people we usually like to see often. Fingers crossed to everything going smoothly.

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Less than Delightful

I haven't been the most fun to be around lately. I'm in my own head. I'm having trouble listening and focusing. I have a few things that I'm excited about however: my new ipod shuffle which allowed me to spend a great deal of time at the gym today, a new book on animal rights with essays from Plato to Singer, and possibly a new antique victrola. My coworker also bought Plosk and I a beautiful wedding gift. Candle sticks from Anthropologie which is possibly Plosk and my favorite store for decoration. I also wrote something new that I'm pretty happy with and will send out to lit mags in the next few weeks after a bit more work.

So, why haven't I been much fun? I'm not exactly sure. But the amount of things running through my head at any given moment is frustrating. A great deal of it lives in fantasy and hopes. The desire to be published. I have never sent anything out probably out of fear, but I'm going to change that. I have heard the stories of rejection and I'm comfortable with that. Right now, inertia is more frightening than rejection. This feeling probably has made me more active at the gym. I've been consistent for a long time, but now I'm pushing myself with cardio which I've never really done. Being so thin, I've never needed to do cardio. But it's a matter of strengthening my heart, not losing weight.

I told Plosk that my less than gracious demeanor could have to do with the pressure of being married. My personal successes and failures effect someone else now. I adore this, but it's also quite frightening. I want to be a success for the both of us, and that pressure has never extended to anyone else before. All things new have their worries to work out.