I'm Unhealthy and Underweight...

...According to Spain. Yes it's true, my BMI is 16.5 which according to the scale is two whole points under what is deemed healthy. Here is the thing, my whole life I've been anywhere from 15 to 20 pounds under what the chart in the doctor's office said I should be. Yet I'm healthy. I play sports. I eat food, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot. I'm small boned, petite yet in a tall person's body. But my eating habits and work out habits only help keep me thin and more importantly in shape. The truth is my parents gave me these genetics. I'm naturally thin. And because of what I consider fortunate genetics mixed with a healthy lifestyle, I was a fashion model for 2 years. And from time to time I still go to the parties. But if I was still a model I would not be allowed to participate in fashion week in Madrid this year. Why you ask? Because they have banned models who have less than an 18 BMI.

Now I recognize that some models are too thin. But putting a number on what is considered normal and then stoning anyone who doesn't fit that is very frustrating. Here is what is being said by the organizer or fashion week in Madrid about women like me in reference to why Spain banned these women : "Clearly we don't want walking skeletons," Solana said.

So, it's ok to call me a skeleton or emaciated, but I shouldn't dare call someone fat right? We have an obesity problem in this country and yes eating disorders are there too but if we as a culture are so obsessed with "skinny" then why is there an obesity epidemic! I believe that people should take care of their bodies, and be at a weight that is deemed healthy by them and their doctor. Not a random number. Guess what? At the doctor's office, mine says that I'm in perfect health. He doesn't worry about my weight because I'm strong, have a kick ass immune system and all my levels are normal.

I have been too thin before. My senior year of college I was about 10 pounds less than I am now. It was because I wasn't eating. I was feeling stress due to graduation and relationship woes that left me uninterested in food. It was a very difficult time for me. And I undoubtedly was too thin. Want to know how I know that? I couldn't work out as intensely. I would get tired, my jeans hung off me and my bones were jutting out in a bad way. So, you see, I know what too thin is and what doesn't work for my body. BMI doesn't tell me that. I tell me that and so does my doctor.

Anyway, thin people usually don't get much sympathy when complaining that the world is down on them. Just trying to point out how crazy Spain's rule is. If you want to read Plosk's opinion on the matter, he posted a blog too. http://garyploski.com/thin-vs-fat/

Oh, and here is the article that bashes me and the way I look: http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060916/ap_en_ot/spain_skinny_models

The Teacher or The Taught

We just had our first volleyball game of the season and it was a win. I'm happy that we won. The girls have worked hard and they deserve it, but this post isn't so much about the win tonight. It's about growing up and being an adult- teaching as opposed to being taught. When the world is a larger part of what you create than what people give to you. I coach. I'm an assistant coach and through that role I've learned lots about volleyball, but here is the kicker: I don't get to apply my skills. I feel like someone has given me the keys to a car, but then tells me I'm not allowed to drive it. I watch the girls and I just think how much I could invest in playing, how much joy I find in sports. I could join a league and play once a week. But that is completely different than being a part of a team and improving through a season. Like a hum turning into a bellow.

I don't want to be 18. I'm not missing my youth. I'm young. Perhaps one of my problems is that I could still be on the team if I was in school full time. Instead of sweating on a court I'm tucked into tan pants that aren't long enough and cheering. Now, I love being able to help them be better players. It's about my own desire to still play.

I feel this way sometimes when I have too much to do and that is certainly the case right now. That I'm living my life to do things for other people instead of reaching my own potential. I'm in school and this week I haven't written once. No time. I've worked at my job, and I've coached. But I don't feel like I've had the outlet I need. Perhaps Sunday I'll get to play, but perhaps not. I feel like my body is useless and being wasted. I feel like I agree to do too many things than I really can fit in a day. And then when I finally get a moment to myself, I want to sleep instead of writing. Teaching will be different than coaching. I'll be a writer. Teaching will be a way of being able to write. Coaching is different. There is no playing while being a coach.

Perhaps I'm just being dramatic, but I want to be selfish. I miss playing sports and challenging my body- the mode your mind gets into when in the middle of a play. It's adrenalin, it's reacting, and it's something I feel we do less and less as we get older.

Anyway, now I'm going to stop talking, calm myself down and just maybe get rid of my tense shoulders and headache. We'll see.

It has been longer than usual since my last blog. But with good reason. I started school just over two weeks ago, and started coaching volleyball again. My novel writing class is excellent and I have my first conference with my professor this morning. I'm interested to see how he is one on one. Volleyball is also good. We have a talented group of girls who are really eager to learn. Four new freshman and the rest are returners. This is the best team I have seen. They still need to figure out their court awareness in relation to each other but that comes with time and getting to know one another.

Last Friday Plosk and I had a grad get together at 11o1 which was very nice. It was low key and allowed for a social gathering to end the first week of school. It was needed. A few writer friends came over and Plosk had a bunch of theatre people. It was quite funny. For much of the night the writers were in one room while the theatre people were in the other. But there was food and chatter and laughter. Our kittens made themselves a definite presence and proved they love being around people. They trust Plosk and I completely and therefore think all other humans are perfectly fine as well.

Is there anything else going on? Plosk and I are going to have a "date" tonight. We have both been so busy- he's been studying monologues for an audition he had last night and I've been reading a 300 page book in 4 days so we've had our share of homework- and that's on top of volleyball, my regular job and school. So yeah, we are going to have a date tonight. Not sure what we'll do but I'm happy to spend some time.

We did have a great weekend that culminated in our first real movie shoot yesterday. I won't say the name of the film but Plosk played a lawyer, a non speaking role but plenty of face time on the camera. I played a vacuous blond who was the lead paparazzi's girlfriend. No I'm not acting like Plosk is. I used my old modeling skills to take some pictures with the lead guy since there will be a still photo section. I stick with this thought- I can model. I can't act. Our friend Marty helped us get into the film. We auditioned and both made it. It was really funny. I was talking to the lead while we were taking photos and I was pointing to Plosk saying which guy was my husband and Jason said, "Oh, that's my lawyer." It was a really fun experience and I say, thank you Marty for giving us the helping hand to get involved.

So yes, busy lives. I always know Sept and Oct are crazy months. But I do have a date tonight and that is quite exciting.